Connect with us

Articles of 2004

Klitschko (with a Wink): Can't We All Just Pretend That Never Happened?

Published

on

Despite being on HBO, as witnessed live by millions of viewers worldwide, Wladimir Klitschko wants us all to believe that really wasn't him in the ring against Lamon Brewster on April 10th at the Mandalay Bay Casino in Las Vegas.

The hulking heavyweight from Kazakhstan has appealed to the WBO to leave his No. 1 ranking intact, despite the loss to Brewster. In the letter written by his lawyers, Klitschko claims he should maintain his ranking until a medical exam reveals what happened. While I may be no doctor, what happened is, he lost.

The thought of such an appeal is appalling and, if successful, could start an avalanche of protests, appeals and petitions dating back to David's upset of Goliath at similar odds.

Lawyers representing Goliath and his family of Giants proceed:

“Sir. First and foremost, Team Goliath was unaware that our opponent would have God on his side, and while the odds favored our side in a one-on-one battle you will have to admit that revelation tipped the scales decidedly in David's favor. Secondly, who knew David would be slinging a rock? We simply were not prepared nor trained for that type of altercation. Finally, the impact of the rock being slung through the air and crushing Goliath on his noggin created a loss of equilibrium, which caused Goliath to fall and suffer further injury upon impact with the ground. Medical reports would substantiate that it was the injuries occurred in the fall, not the initial blow of the rock to the forehead of the giant, which rendered Goliath unable to continue. That, and David's subsequent stabbing and cutting off of the Giant's head, of course.

Therefore, it is our belief that the family of giants should reclaim their position on the cliff upon which the Philistine armies camped out and should continue wreaking havoc amongst the army of King Saul . . . if we can determine exactly where in Israel that might be today and assuming the army remains.”

Umm . . . no. History will not be changed and let's hope the WBO concurs. If not, perhaps Wladimir will try to reinstate his record as perfect through a series of similar petitions.

Heck, whatever the medical reason for his collapse to Brewster, the same defense could be used for his fatigue-induced loss to Ross Puritty back in 1998. Klitschko was winning that fight as well, but punched himself out and was unable to continue, and lost. With one precedent set, Wladimir could erase two of three losses from his resume with the same alibi.

They'll follow up by blaming the four knockdown loss to Corrie Sanders on an upset stomach with bad sauerkraut being tabbed the culprit and then skyrocket to the top of every governing body rankings. Until Andrew Golota gets wind of this, of course.

'Ignorance of the law' will be Golota's defense, and you simply cannot penalize Golota for his two 'low blow' losses if he didn't realize he was actually hitting low. That and the language barrier have the big Pole back at the head of the pack – as if Don King couldn't do that on his own. His loss when he quit against Mike Tyson has already been reduced to a 'No Contest,' thanks to Tyson having cloudy pee after the fight. Against Michael Grant he swears, your honor, that he thought he had won the fight when Grant was knocked down for the second time in the first round. It was over, wasn't it?

Maybe the medical exam of Wladimir Klitschko will determine that his body is simply too big to lug around the ring for a man with such a small heart. They will explain how his heart is not proportionate to his body and therefore cannot pump the required amount of blood to his organs to sustain a possible 36 minutes of championship boxing.

Perhaps, but we all know the problem with his heart goes deeper than that.

Share The Sweet Science experience!
Continue Reading
Advertisement
Boxing-Notes-and-Nuggets-from-Thomas-Hauser
Featured Articles4 weeks ago

Boxing Notes and Nuggets from Thomas Hauser

Ekow-Essuman-Upsets-Josh-Taylor-and-Moses-Itauma-Blasts-Out-Mike-Balogun-in-Glasgow
Featured Articles3 weeks ago

Ekow Essuman Upsets Josh Taylor and Moses Itauma Blasts Out Mike Balogun in Glasgow

Newspaperman-Playwright-Author-Bobby-Cassidy-Jr-Commemorates-his-Fighting-Father
Featured Articles3 weeks ago

Newspaperman/Playwright/Author Bobby Cassidy Jr Commemorates His Fighting Father

A-Night-of-Mismatches-Turns-Topsy-Turvy-at-Mandalay-Bay-Resendiz-Shocks-Plant
Featured Articles2 weeks ago

A Night of Mismatches Turns Topsy-Turvy at Mandalay Bay; Resendiz Shocks Plant

Hiruta-Bohachuk-and-Trinidad-Win-at-the-Commerce-Casino
Featured Articles4 weeks ago

Hiruta, Bohachuk, and Trinidad Win at the Commerce Casino

Avila-Perspective-Chap-330-Matchroom-in-New-York-plus-the-latest-on-Canelo-Crawford
Featured Articles3 days ago

Avila Perspective, Chap. 330: Matchroom in New York plus the Latest on Canelo-Crawford

Italy-Mourns-the-Death-of-Legendary-Boxer-Nino-Benvenuti
Featured Articles4 weeks ago

Italy Mourns the Death of Legendary Boxer Nino Benvenuti

in-A-Trubute-Wedded-to-Memorial-Day-Boxing-Writer-David-Avila-Pays-Homage-to-Absent-Friends
Featured Articles3 weeks ago

In a Tribute Wedded to Memorial Day, Boxing Writer David Avila Pays Homage to Absent Friends

Vinny-Paz-is-Going-into-the-Boxing-Hall-of-Fame-Hey-why-Not-Roger-Mayweather?
Featured Articles3 weeks ago

Vinny Paz is Going into the Boxing Hall of Fame; Hey, Why Not Roger Mayweather?

Remembering-the-Under-Appreciated-Body-Snatcher-Mike-McCallum,-a-Conusmmate-Pro
Featured Articles2 weeks ago

Remembering the Under-Appreciated “Body Snatcher” Mike McCallum, a Consummate Pro    

Avila-Perspective-Chap-228-Viva-Las-Vegas-Back-in-the-Boxing-Spotlight
Featured Articles3 weeks ago

Avila Perspective, Chap. 228: Viva Las Vegas, Back in the Boxing Spotlight

Results-and-Recaps-from-Las-Vegas-Where-Melikuziev-Nipped-Fulghum-in-a-Fierce-Fight
Featured Articles2 weeks ago

Results and Recaps from Las Vegas Where Melikuziev Nipped Fulghum in a Fierce Battle

Opetaia-and-Nakatani-Crush-Overmatched-Foes-Capping-Off-a-Wild-Boxing-Weekend
Featured Articles1 week ago

Opetaia and Nakatani Crush Overmatched Foes, Capping Off a Wild Boxing Weekend

Pacquiao-is-Back,-Fabio-in-England-and-More.jpg
Featured Articles2 weeks ago

Avila Perspective, Chap 329: Pacquiao is Back, Fabio in England and More

Angelo-Leo-Retains-His-Featherweight-Title-Before-a-Hostile-Crowd-in-Osaka
Featured Articles3 weeks ago

Angelo Leo Retains His Featherweight Title Before a Hostile Crowd in Osaka

Fabio-Wardley-Comes-from-Behind-to-KO-Justis-Huni
Featured Articles1 week ago

Fabio Wardley Comes from Behind to KO Justis Huni  

Delving-Into-'Hoopa'-With-Notes-on-Books-by-George-Plimpton-and-Joyce-Carol-Oates
Featured Articles2 weeks ago

Delving into ‘Hoopla’ with Notes on Books by George Plimpton and Joyce Carol Oates

Local-Fan-Favorites-Terri-Harpet-and-Maxi-Hughes-Victorious-in-Doncaster
Featured Articles3 weeks ago

Local Fan Favorites Terri Harper and Maxi Hughes Victorious in Doncaster

The-Shafting-of-Blair-the-Flair-Cobbs-a-Familar-Thread-in-the-Cruelest-Sport
Featured Articles5 days ago

The Shafting of Blair “The Flair” Cobbs, a Familiar Thread in the Cruelest Sport

Richardson-Hitchins-Batters-and-Stops-George-Kambosos-at-Madison-Square-Garden
Featured Articles2 days ago

Richardson Hitchins Batters and Stops George Kambosos at Madison Square Garden 

Catching-Up-with-Clay-Moyle-Who-Talks-About-His-Massive-Collection-of-Boxing-Books
Featured Articles1 day ago

Catching Up with Clay Moyle Who Talks About His Massive Collection of Boxing Books

Richardson-Hitchins-Batters-and-Stops-George-Kambosos-at-Madison-Square-Garden
Featured Articles2 days ago

Richardson Hitchins Batters and Stops George Kambosos at Madison Square Garden 

Avila-Perspective-Chap-330-Matchroom-in-New-York-plus-the-latest-on-Canelo-Crawford
Featured Articles3 days ago

Avila Perspective, Chap. 330: Matchroom in New York plus the Latest on Canelo-Crawford

The-Shafting-of-Blair-the-Flair-Cobbs-a-Familar-Thread-in-the-Cruelest-Sport
Featured Articles5 days ago

The Shafting of Blair “The Flair” Cobbs, a Familiar Thread in the Cruelest Sport

Opetaia-and-Nakatani-Crush-Overmatched-Foes-Capping-Off-a-Wild-Boxing-Weekend
Featured Articles1 week ago

Opetaia and Nakatani Crush Overmatched Foes, Capping Off a Wild Boxing Weekend

Fabio-Wardley-Comes-from-Behind-to-KO-Justis-Huni
Featured Articles1 week ago

Fabio Wardley Comes from Behind to KO Justis Huni  

Pacquiao-is-Back,-Fabio-in-England-and-More.jpg
Featured Articles2 weeks ago

Avila Perspective, Chap 329: Pacquiao is Back, Fabio in England and More

Delving-Into-'Hoopa'-With-Notes-on-Books-by-George-Plimpton-and-Joyce-Carol-Oates
Featured Articles2 weeks ago

Delving into ‘Hoopla’ with Notes on Books by George Plimpton and Joyce Carol Oates

Remembering-the-Under-Appreciated-Body-Snatcher-Mike-McCallum,-a-Conusmmate-Pro
Featured Articles2 weeks ago

Remembering the Under-Appreciated “Body Snatcher” Mike McCallum, a Consummate Pro    

A-Night-of-Mismatches-Turns-Topsy-Turvy-at-Mandalay-Bay-Resendiz-Shocks-Plant
Featured Articles2 weeks ago

A Night of Mismatches Turns Topsy-Turvy at Mandalay Bay; Resendiz Shocks Plant

Results-and-Recaps-from-Las-Vegas-Where-Melikuziev-Nipped-Fulghum-in-a-Fierce-Fight
Featured Articles2 weeks ago

Results and Recaps from Las Vegas Where Melikuziev Nipped Fulghum in a Fierce Battle

Avila-Perspective-Chap-228-Viva-Las-Vegas-Back-in-the-Boxing-Spotlight
Featured Articles3 weeks ago

Avila Perspective, Chap. 228: Viva Las Vegas, Back in the Boxing Spotlight

Vinny-Paz-is-Going-into-the-Boxing-Hall-of-Fame-Hey-why-Not-Roger-Mayweather?
Featured Articles3 weeks ago

Vinny Paz is Going into the Boxing Hall of Fame; Hey, Why Not Roger Mayweather?

Newspaperman-Playwright-Author-Bobby-Cassidy-Jr-Commemorates-his-Fighting-Father
Featured Articles3 weeks ago

Newspaperman/Playwright/Author Bobby Cassidy Jr Commemorates His Fighting Father

Ekow-Essuman-Upsets-Josh-Taylor-and-Moses-Itauma-Blasts-Out-Mike-Balogun-in-Glasgow
Featured Articles3 weeks ago

Ekow Essuman Upsets Josh Taylor and Moses Itauma Blasts Out Mike Balogun in Glasgow

Angelo-Leo-Retains-His-Featherweight-Title-Before-a-Hostile-Crowd-in-Osaka
Featured Articles3 weeks ago

Angelo Leo Retains His Featherweight Title Before a Hostile Crowd in Osaka

in-A-Trubute-Wedded-to-Memorial-Day-Boxing-Writer-David-Avila-Pays-Homage-to-Absent-Friends
Featured Articles3 weeks ago

In a Tribute Wedded to Memorial Day, Boxing Writer David Avila Pays Homage to Absent Friends

Local-Fan-Favorites-Terri-Harpet-and-Maxi-Hughes-Victorious-in-Doncaster
Featured Articles3 weeks ago

Local Fan Favorites Terri Harper and Maxi Hughes Victorious in Doncaster

Italy-Mourns-the-Death-of-Legendary-Boxer-Nino-Benvenuti
Featured Articles4 weeks ago

Italy Mourns the Death of Legendary Boxer Nino Benvenuti

Boxing-Notes-and-Nuggets-from-Thomas-Hauser
Featured Articles4 weeks ago

Boxing Notes and Nuggets from Thomas Hauser

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

Trending