@Max(imum) Kellerman

Editor’s note: The following letter to Max Kellerman is being posted on behalf of the author, Dino da Vinci.
Dear Sir:
A short time ago, you had erroneously referred to us Patriots fans as amongst the dumbest fans in sports.

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Published

7 years ago

February 4, 2018

The Sweet Science

Editor’s note: The following letter to Max Kellerman is being posted on behalf of the author, Dino da Vinci.

Dear Sir:

A short time ago, you had erroneously referred to us Patriots fans as amongst the dumbest fans in sports.

I initially saw it as an attempt to keep the ratings up, figuring you were toeing the company line. You were being a good soldier, doing as you were told, and it would be a one and done kinda thing.

What I thought to be only a snack, however, is turning into an eleven-course meal.

Max, your comments have triggered an inundation of phone calls, emails, texts, faxes, telegraphs, courier pigeons, et al., all stating something to the effect of “Hey D, you know this guy, you need to have a little chat with him.” After backpedaling profusely, I explained that, while I am well aware of you, I in no way know you. Nor do I know Roger “Ideal Gas Law” Goodell, or Chris Mortenson (yeah, you’re a respected journalist), Jane Rosenberg (at least you got it right with your second opportunity), or Bernard Pollard (we realize it was an unfortunate injury in the course of doing your job, but it hurts no less).

Max, I’m officially addressing you on behalf of New England Patriots fans everywhere. Simply put, if we don’t receive a sincere and heartfelt apology, you’ll be forcing us to make you an idiom.

As I plan on living forever, what follows is a conversation I will most likely be having in the future, with one of my great-great-great-great-great-great-granddaughters.

Circa 2132 AD

Maria Angelica (age 6): “Multi-great-GrandPapa D, what’s the origin of the term “kellerman” or “at kellerman? My teacher told me you’d be the perfect person to ask.

DdaV: “You mean like when people said there was no such thing as global warming and now people say, “Wow, they really kellerman’d that one”, like that? It’s all true. Why, in fact, we used to have big white bears called polar bears…”

MA: (gasps) “Wow! Like an Abdominablable Snowman?”

DdaV: “Sorta. And large, beautiful marine turtles…”

MA: (gasps) “Really?! Like Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael and Leonardo.”

DdaV: “Yeah, sure. And penguins…”

MA: (Gasps) “Last Christmas Santa brought me a book entitled ‘From the First Dodo Bird to the Last One of What May Have Been as Many as 20 Different Species of Penguins: The History of the Flightless Bird and What it Says About Us Now That They’re All Gone. A Reflection.'”

DdaV: “A bit wordy, but my very point. And Colorado, Utah, Nevada, and California…”

MA: “Types of fish that couldn’t acclimate to the warming of the oceans?”

DdaV: “No, those were actual states that were part of the United States of America. Now we just have the “Somewhat, Mostly United States of America.”

MA: “Or when people said that artificial intelligence would only help us as a people and today our world leader is a killer bot named X28-3-1501-49-0, or as he likes to call himself, Fluffy?”

DdaV: “Exactly.”

MA: “And the origin of the saying?”

D da V: “It’s an expression you don’t hear as much anymore. It harks back to well over 100 years ago when a man they let talk into a microphone by the name of Max Kellerman figured he’d get a jump on the demise of quarterback Tom Brady and the New England Patriots.”

MA: “That was a real man?”

D da V: “Uh, well… some would argue, but I would say so. Anyway, back to what happened. Max Kellerman was a grown-up man who made a big mistake and refused to admit that he was wrong, even when he knew that he was wrong.”

MA: “Like last year in kindergarten when Timmy put the goldfish on the hampster wheel and stated that it disproved the evolutionary process because Goldy needed to sprout legs, but evidently didn’t grow them?”

DdaV: “Let’s make that a topic for another day. Back to Max. You see, he called the Patriots’ fans dumb for believing in their quarterback, Tom Brady. In 2016, Mr. Kellerman said Brady would “be a bum in short order,” and in 2017 he said he would “fall off a cliff.” Basically, he said that Brady wasn’t going to be good at his job any more, and that he was just okay. Well, in 2017 Tom Brady won another Super Bowl, his fifth, sixth or seventh Super Bowl win up to that point. It really starts to blur at around that time.”

MA: “Was that Tom Brady related to the Tom Brady who is quarterbacking the Patriots today, Papa D?”

D da V: “To answer your question, yes, it is in fact the very same Tom Brady. What “at Maximum Kellerman” refers to is how fast can you come to the wrong conclusion, and how long you can stay wrong even after reality and/or science has proven you’re wrong, sort of like the flat earth concept. Here’s a guy, Max, who was wrong, it was proven that he was wrong, and then he kept re-upping on being wrong, while continually being re-proven that he had remained wrong. Actually, it was initially called “at Wicked Maximum Kellerman”, as it was a New England thing until it went global, and then they dropped the Wicked, then later in some places the max, or maximum, much like how The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo was shortened to Oingo Boingo, then later just Boingo.”

MA: “Huh?”

D da V: “Not important. The point is, the phrase became a way to slight somebody, in reference to how long do you really want to be wrong and stay wrong before finally admitting it.”

MA: “Did he finally admit it? That he was wrong?”

DdaV: “No, he passed without ever admitting his mistake. His head actually exploded* on Intergalactic MuskSee TV when Brady completed a pass to Rob Gronkowski IV in Fluffy knows what Super Bowl, completing a 38-point comeback with no time remaining on the clock; a performance exceeding his 35-point comeback some thirty years prior. Seems Max made it personal and that’s why very little is ever mentioned about his actual career as a sports commentator, which is someone who talks about sports. Seems he knew so much about one sport, boxing, that they just let him talk about other sports and athletes too, even though he evidently knew nothing about them. I mean, he had to know that a 40-year-old who lived right, trained right, ate right, and studied the opposition meticulously could compete to at least the age of 50.”

MA: “You’re describing Tom Brady, right?”

DdaV: “Actually, I was referring to Bernard Hopkins. A boxing champion around so long they were forced to issue him a new nickname because, along with Floyd Mayweather, they wore out their original ones. Max, amazingly knowledgeable in one sport, chose to veer out of his lane, and in his case, into oncoming traffic, namely Patriots Nation. So rather than being remembered for being special in one area, he was berated for being horribly wrong for an insanely long period of time. It was actually one of Albert Einstein’s lesser known theories, (HWxiLPoT)/w=mKellerman². It would later be renamed simply Kellerman.”

MA: “But that’s so mean. That makes the poor man who they let talk into the microphone sound like a maxhead, and that’s sad.”

DdaV: “Uh, actually, maxhead, er, yeah…Well, he brought it about himself. You see, we gave him an opportunity to apologize and admit that he was wrong, but he refused to be honest with himself and to tell the truth, he just kept re-upping. Maria Angelica, if you’re wrong, it’s important to find the courage within yourself to admit your mistake and move forward. We must always be honest to both ourselves and others; always tell the truth.”

MA: “Maybe the poor man who got to speak into the microphone wasn’t given this quality advice as a child, or as a grown-up?”

DdaV: “Could be. Maybe.”

MA: “Multi-Great Grandpapa D, thanks for the history lesson.”

DdaV: “Love You boo.”

Max, we’ll be having our annual end of football season meeting mid-February at The Razor and we will decide how we’re going to treat you going forward. At Patriots Nation, we can be a very unforgiving group. You might want to get your mea culpa in early, and I would hope that we can find it in our collective heart to look the other way, this one time.

This. One. Time.

Most Sincerely,

Dino da Vinci

*Some people, mostly fans or descendants from what was once the New England region, assert their belief that implosion, not explosion, was the actual cause of death. There is, of course, a third possibility, that there was an implosion occurring just as the explosion happened. And while this rarity of all rarities certainly would have been named Kellerman, the @maxkellerman referring to being “amazingly wrong for amazingly long” was already so deeply ingrained in the public’s consciousness, that it would simply be too confusing to add the Kellerman Conclusion (Implosion/Explosion) to the already existing Kellerman Conclusion (that old guys get old…except when they don’t.)

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Nick Ball Wears Down and Stops TJ Doheny Before the Home Folks in Liverpool

Published

19 hours ago

March 15, 2025

Arne K. Lang

Nick-Ball-Wears-Down-and-Stops-TJ-Doheny-Before-the-Home-Folks-in-Liverpool

Fighting in his hometown, Liverpool’s five-foot-two fireplug Nick “The Wrecking” Ball stopped TJ Doheny after 10 progressively more one-sided rounds to retain his WBA belt in the second defense of the featherweight title he won with a hard-earned decision over Raymond Ford in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.

Referee Michael Alexander, with the assent of Doheny’s corner, waived it off following the bell ending Round 10, much to the chagrin of the brave but mildewed Doheny who burst into tears. But then, Doheny’s right eye was closed shut and he was plainly exhausted. This may be the end of the line for the 38-year-old campaigner from Perth, Australia via Portlaois, Ireland who was 26-5 heading in following his first loss inside the distance which came against pound-for-pound king Naoya Inoue.

There were no knockdowns, but Ball (22-0-1, 13 KOs) was docked a point in round nine for throwing Doheny to the canvas after having previously been warned for this infraction. Earlier, both he and Doheny were warned for an incident that could have ended the bout prematurely. At the end of the first round, Ball extricated himself from a headlock by kicking Doheny in the back of his knee. The challenger’s leg appeared to buckle as he returned to his stool.

Going forward, Ball has many options. The 28-year-old Liverpudlian purportedly relishes a unification fight with WBC belt-holder Stephen Fulton, but the decision ultimately rests with Ball’s promoter Frank Warren.

Other Bouts of Note

In a 12-round bantamweight contest that was close on the scorecards but yet a monotonous affair, Liverpool’s Andrew Cain won a split decision over former WBC flyweight title-holder Charlie Edwards. The scores were 116-112 and 115-114 favoring Cain with judge Steve Gray submitting a disreputable 115-113 tally for Edwards. At stake were a trio of regional titles.

The science of boxing, they say, is about hitting without getting hit. Charlie Edwards is adept at the latter but the hitting part is not in his DNA. He was on his bicycle from the get-go, a style that periodically brought forth a cascade of boos. Cain, who trains in the same gym with Nick Ball, was never able to corner him – Edwards was too elusive – but Cain, to his credit, never lost his composure.

In improving to 14-1 (12), Cain achieved a measure of revenge, in a sense. In his last documented amateur bout, in 2014, Cain was defeated by Charlie’s brother Sunny Edwards, also a former world title-holder at the professional level. Heading in, Charlie Edwards (20-2, 1 NC) was unbeaten in his last 13 which included a comfortable decision over Cristofer Rosales in his flyweight title fight. Charlie relinquished that belt when he could no longer make the weight.

Showboating Cuban lightweight Jadier Herrera, who fought 13 of his first 14 pro fights in his adopted home of Dubai, advanced to 17-0 (15 KOs) with a seventh-round stoppage of spunky but outclassed Mexican import Jose Macias (21-4-2). The official time was 2:31 of round seven.

An all-Liverpool affair between super flyweights Jack Turner (11-0, 10 KOs) and Ryan Farrag (23-6) was over in a jiff. The match, which went next-to-last in the bout order, ended at the 42-second mark of round two. A barrage of punches climaxed by a left hook sent Farrag down hard and the referee waived it off.

The noted spoiler Ionut Baluta, whose former victims include Andrew Cain, forged another upset with a 10-round split decision over local fan favorite Brad Strand. The judges favored Baluta 98-91 and 96-94, out-voting the Italian judge whose 97-93 tally for Strand was deemed the most accurate by the TV pundits.

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Avila Perspective, Chap. 317: Callum Walsh, Dana White and More

Published

2 days ago

March 14, 2025

David A. Avila

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As Callum Walsh stood on the observation deck at the top of the Empire State Building with fists clenched, it harked back to actor Jimmy Cagney, an actor of Irish descent, yelling “Top of the world, ma,” in the 1949 motion picture White Heat.

The Irish-born Walsh brings that kind of attitude.

Once again Walsh (12-0, 10 KOs) returns to New York City and this time faces Scottish warrior Dean Sutherland (19-1, 7 KOs) in a super welterweight match set for 10 rounds on Sunday, March 16, at Madison Garden Theater.

UFC Fight Pass will stream the 360 Promotions event.

Flanked by master trainer Freddie Roach and managed by Dana White it brings questions as to the direction that Walsh will be steered. It was just revealed that White will head a new boxing promotion outfit with big plans to make a more UFC type of organization.

Is Walsh part of the plans?

It’s a lot to digest as the hot prospect from Cork, Ireland proceeds toward world championship dreams. Can he cleanse his mind of this major distraction?

Walsh and Sutherland are both southpaws who are meeting at the crossroads in the heart of New York City. At this point of their careers a loss can mean rebooting and taking a few steps backward. The winner moves on to the next crucial step.

Sutherland, 26, hails from Aberdeen and has never fought outside of his native Scotland. It’s a lot to ask of someone whose country’s population of 5 million is dwarfed by New York City’s 8.2 million inhabitants all packed together.

Ireland’s population is also 5 million. So basically, both Walsh and Sutherland are on even terms when they enter the prize ring on Sunday.

Who knows what kind of competition Sutherland faced in Scotland. He beat two undefeated fighters and also conquered two foes who each had more than 100 losses on their resumes.

Meanwhile, Walsh has faced only one undefeated fighter but handled veterans like Benjamin Whitaker, Ismael Villareal and Carlos Ortiz Cervantes. But you never know until they meet face to face. Anything can happen in a prize ring.

Walsh has a three-fight knockout streak. Sutherland has slept two out of his last three foes. They will be joined by several Irish fighters on the card plus Cletus “The Hebrew Hammer” Seldin.

Dana, Turk and TKO

The announcement earlier in the week that Turki Alalshikh together with TKO Group Holdings that include Dana White and Nick Khan formed a new boxing promotion company.

White, who does not own UFC but guides the MMA ship, works for Endeavor, the parent company of UFC and WWE. Their events are all shown on ESPN, the powerful sports network (albeit WWE’s flagship weekly show “Raw” recently moved to Netflix). It seems Endeavor has decided to allow White to guide its boxing program too.

Where does that leave Top Rank?

It seems the partnership plans to rid boxing of the many sanctioning organizations and have only one champion per division. The champion will be given a Ring Magazine belt. Recently, Turki Alalshikh purchased The Ring magazine from Golden Boy Promotions. This seems to have been the plan all along.

Is this good for boxing?

Mark Shapiro, the president of TKO Group Holdings, said:

“This is a strategic opportunity to re-imagine the sport of boxing globally. TKO has the deep expertise, promotional prowess, and longstanding relationships. HE Turki Alalshikh and Sela share our passion and vision for evolving the current model. Together, we can bring the sweet science back to its rightful place in the forefront of the global sports ecosystem.”

DAZN all day

Three boxing cards take place on Saturday beginning with WBA featherweight titlist Nick Ball (21-0-1) the human cannonball, defending against former champion TJ Doheny from Liverpool, England. The first bout begins around 9:30 a.m. (Pacific Coast Time). Ball likes to charge forward and punch. Doheny is no slouch and has experience.

Later, Matchroom Boxing presents a show from Florida that features Edgar Berlanga (22-1) fresh off a solid contest against Canelo Alvarez. He fights undefeated Jonathan Gonzalez-Ortiz (20-0-1) in a super middleweight match. Also, Ammo Williams (17-1) returns to face dangerous Patrice Volny (19-1) in a middleweight clash. The card starts at 3:30 p.m. (Pacific Coast Time.

Saturday evening MarvNation presents Amado Vargas (11-0) meeting Eduardo Hernandez (8-2) in a super lightweight contest at Thunder Studios in Long Beach, California. Start time is set for 8 p.m. (Pacific Coast Time). The son of the great Fernando Vargas remains undefeated.

Fights to Watch

Sat. DAZN 11:30 a.m. Nick Ball (21-0-1) vs TJ Doheny (26-5).

Sat. DAZN 3:30 p.m. Edgar Berlanga (22-1) vs Jonathan Gonzalez-Ortiz (20-0-1) ; Ammo Williams (17-1) vs Patrice Volny (19-1).

Sat. DAZN 8 p.m. Amado Vargas (11-0) vs Eduardo Hernandez (8-2).

Sun. UFC Fight Pass 3 p.m. Callum Walsh (12-0) vs Dean Sutherland (19-1).

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A Fresh Face on the Boxing Scene, Bryce Mills Faces His Toughest Test on Friday

Published

3 days ago

March 13, 2025

Luis A. Cortes III

A-Fresh-Face-on-the-Boxing-Scene-Bryce-Mills-Faces-His-Toughest-Test-on-Friday

“He wants to test himself and find out just how good he really is,” said International Boxing Hall of Fame promoter Russell Peltz regarding super lightweight Bryce Mills. Peltz, who has dealt with a wide range of fighters throughout his lifetime in boxing, recognized the fire that burned inside Mills at a local show in Philadelphia in early 2022. At the time Mills had less than ten professional fights under his belt.

Mills hails from Liverpool in upstate New York and trains in nearby Syracuse. Currently 17-1 (6 KOs), he’s undefeated in his last 11 since losing a split decision to a Puerto Rican fighter from the Bronx who had fought much stiffer competition.

The fight in question that caught Peltz’s eye was arranged by the well-known and respected matchmaker Nick Tiberi who paired Mills in an intriguing fight against Daiyaan Butt, a tough and skilled fighter from the Philadelphia area. They fought at LIVE Casino in South Philadelphia on Feb. 24, 2022.

Although the crowd on hand that night favored Butt, Mills, although then only 20 years old, wasn’t intimidated and was the clear-cut winner at the end of their exciting, back-and-forth battle. This showed Peltz that Mills was serious about seeing just how far his ability could take him.

That’s why Peltz decided to join forces with Mills. Despite being semi-retired, Peltz is still active enough to help guide fighters through the ever-changing wild west landscape that is boxing. Since their union after Mill’s victory over Butt, Mills has been on a nine-fight winning streak heading into what Peltz believes is the toughest test of his career this Friday against Alex Martin 18-6 (6 KOs) of Chicago.

“I didn’t want him to take this fight, it’s a dangerous fight for him. Martin is a southpaw and is tricky, he’s a veteran and is experienced. His father (Mills’s father) called me and said that Bryce wanted the fight, to his credit,” says Peltz. One look at Martin’s resume and it confirms what Peltz stated. All six of Martin’s losses came against fighters with outstanding records including a former world title challenger. Martin also holds some quality wins over undefeated prospects that were at similar points in their careers to where Mills currently is in his development.

Bryce Mills looks like a fighter (he’s always in shape), acts like a fighter (testing his craft against all comers), walks the walk of a fighter, and fights with a fan-friendly pedal-to-the-metal style. That is a winning combination that could be the breath of fresh air the boxing world could surely use and on Friday night at the Wind Creek Events Center in Bethlehem, PA, live on DAZN, Mills is going to have the opportunity to put the boxing world on notice.

***

DAZN will televise the Mills-Martin fight along with a main event that features undefeated middleweight Euri Cedeno (10-0-1, 9 KO’s) against Ulices Rivera (11-1, 7 KO’s). Knockout artist Joseph Adorno (20-4-1, 17 KOs) and undefeated Reading, PA super featherweight Julian Gonzalez (15-0-1, 11 KOs) appear in separate bouts on the undercard. Tickets for the Marshall Kauffman’s Kings Promotion show are still available through Ticketmaster. Lobby doors open at 5:00 pm. First bell is at 7:00.

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