Ricardo’s Brainstorm–Halliburton To Rebuild Heavyweight Division

Former NFL placekicker Benny Ricardo is a man of many talents. In addition to being a stand-up comic who will play two sold-out shows New Year’s Eve in San Diego, Benny is a veteran boxing analyst on television, often teaming with Hall of Fame blow-by-blow announcer Col. Bob Sheridan. Here’s a unique look at Ricardo’s comedic ideas about how to improve boxing in 2011:

Improving Boxing in 2011

1. Three ring card girls, two outfits for every fight.

2. A boxer any boxer to date Kim Kardashin so it will once again be recognized as a major Sport.

3. Firm but Fair chest protector for all female boxers, bottoms optional.

4. Firm but Fair groin protectors for all male boxers, tops optional.

5. Decrease America’s dependance on foreign Heavyweight Champions.

6. Fighters flip a coin before the fight to choose red or blue corner.

7. Senate Investigation into the fact that the Red Corner wins every time on Free Television.  It’s the You betcha bet.  I mean come on, the ambulance is parked behind the blue corner.

8. American Heavyweights can train for their fights working as TSA pat down agents.

9. Hire Halliburton to rebuild the American Heavyweight Division.

10. Have the next Super Six tournament on a Carnival Cruise line 200 miles off the Mexican coast, nobody gets off till we have a clear winner.

11. Have the next G20 Summit meeting include a World Championship fight in every division.  Have Chris Arreola emcee  and do all the interviews among world leaders.  Watch the Korean interpreter translate Arrelola’s four letter F words to Kim Jong II.  Everybody can learn how to say the four letter world in every language.

12. Celebrity Judges for Championship fights, George W. Bush, Dich Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, let’s see once and for all if they recognize weapons of mass destruction when they see them.

13. To fool people on Free TV that this boxing show is equal to MLB and NFL, mention every two rounds that this fight can not be rebroadcast without the express written consent of Mike Tyson.

14. Or how about a warning “The fight on your TV is closer than you think.

15. Hire Bernie Madoff as a consultant to straighten out the WBC financial situation and show Jose Sulaiman the way.

16. The Chilean Miners were rescued in quicker time than it took British Heavyweight Audley Harrison to throw a punch against David Haye.  He still hasn’t thrown a punch.  BP plugged the oil leak in the gulf,  quicker than Harrison threw a punch.  Bernie Madoff will get out of jail before Harrison throws a punch, feel free to add you own here..

17. Arthur Abraham had a legitimate excuse for not throwing a punch at Carl Froch, too busy focusing on Froch’s screaming girlfriend and the small revealing dress with the bay window she almost had on.

18. English courses for the TV interpreters.  Where do they find these guys?  at the Verizon tech support center?  Thank God I speak spanish, cause when I press one, I never understand what the heck they’re saying.

19. Signs it’s time to retire, you begin to slur your breath and stutter your grunts.  You understand perfectly what Harold Lederman is saying on the air to Jim Lampley.  When the referee asks if you have any questions, you  actually have a question.

20. Make every heavyweight drink two 5-hour energy drinks right before their fight.

21. Manny Pacquiao’s wish for 2011, lose birth certificate so he can become Governor of California and then President of the United States.  Pacquiao is so unbeatable, politicians can’t beat him.  Pacquiao as a politician who can throw mean lefts and tortures right.

22. And still…Lady Gaga.

23. Just threw that in, but most of all for 2011, I ask for your prayers for one of the greatest ambassadors Boxing has ever had, my announcing partner Col. Bob Sheridan.  Colonel Bob heard the eight count and he got back up and is fighting his way back to health.  As his dear friend Marty Corwin put it, “Soon he will be complaining again”  I look forward to his complaints and the joy of having him next to me bringing boxing to the world behind a microphone as only Col. Bob can.